Monday, April 18, 2011

Giveaway!!!

I promised a giveaway!! 

Today is the day! I know it was supposed to be yesterday...oops! 

The goods:: (sponsored by Robert Kaufman)


Three charm packs of Treasures & Tidbits, which you cannot get until July 2011!!!

You know what these would be perfect for?! My Charm Pack Quilt Along....heehee! ;)

Ok...here are the deets!

I won't make you blog about this and I won't make you tweet about it, just leave me ONE comment and tell me something funny! Could be a joke, something your kid said, anything you want, just make us laugh! :D

Please make sure you are not a no-reply blogger, or if you are, please leave some way for me to contact you with your winnings!! 

I will choose one winner, with the help of Mr. Random Number Generator, on Thursday at 9 pm CST.

I will close comments on Thursday April 21st at 8pm CST soooo....as a tribute to Jerry McGuire...

SHOW ME THE FUNNY!!! HEH!

Much Love!!!

232 comments :

  1. 4 potatoes are sitting at a bar. How do you know which one's the prostitute?

    It's the one wearing a sticker that reads,
    "I-DA-HO"!

    Hey, don't dis my best joke, man!
    Thanks for the giveaway, giggle monkey!

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  2. Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
    The daughter answered,
    'Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt.'
    Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
    Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
    He said,
    'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'

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  3. My Granddaughter(4)told her teacher that my name was Grandma but some people call me Judy.
    I was going to pick her up that day.

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  4. Something funny? How about how my husband complains endlessly about how electrically charged he is and then slides across the carpet like a little kid. I mentioned to him about 5 minutes ago and he said it would happen anyway! Men! Gotta love em!

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  5. A flight was boarded and scheduled to fly from Georgia to Houston...
    A blonde walks up to first class and takes a seat. Puzzled by the late arrival, a stewardess leans in...
    stewardess: Ma'am. May I see your boarding pass?

    the blonde hands it over as though surprised she'd have the nerve to ask.

    stewardess: Ma'am. Your ticket has you seated in the economy class. This is first class.

    Blonde: I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I AM flying first class to Houston.

    Perplexed, the stewardess walks to the pilot's cabin to discuss the situation.
    The co-pilot, looking dapper and controlled, strolls to first class...

    Co-pilot: Ma'am. This is first class and your ticket plainly states that you have a seat in our economy section of the plane. Now if you could kindly gather your things...

    Blonde: I'm blonde and I'm beautiful and I AM flying first class to Houston.

    Utterly confused the co-pilot shuffles back to the cabing to report to the Pilot.
    With a twinkle in his eye, the Pilot hands over the controls to the co-pilot and waltzes to first class.
    He leans in close to the blonde and whispers something in her ear.
    Immediately she rises, gathers her belongings and hightails it back to economy.

    Several stewardess stand around in astonishment.

    Stewardess: sir. What could you possibly have said to change her mind so quickly?

    The pilot winks.
    Pilot: I just explained that first class IS NOT flying to Houston.

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  6. I finished up my 11 year old's quilt last week and had to point out to him that I made a math mistake and didn't have enough binding and had to piece a corner of it. He said "That's ok mom, it gives it character!". I thought it was funny anyway :)

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  7. I followed a car the other day with the license plate, R U SINGL2. I couldn't help but wonder where the bumper sticker with her phone number was.

    Awesome giveaway!

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  8. Oh my the pressures one...something funny..
    My grand daughter is three and one day I was talking to my daughter and Abbie asked who she was talking to.. "I am talking to Grandma Nancy" she said... Abby said "I want to talk to her..she's my friend..my best friend".. Not really funny, but my heart sure did flip...
    Now for the funny...
    Abbie calls ear plugs her "ear conkers.." no idea why...

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  9. what do you call a duck in the great salt lake?

    A saltine QUACKER

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  10. Hey, did I miss something? Where are they details for your charm pack quilt along? Thanks! :-)

    I love post #2 about the quilt...that's really funny. I can't think of anything funny, but this made me think of something my daughter did last month (she's 2-1/2). She was sitting on my lap while I was changing a thread on my sewing machine, and she put a quarter in the slot for the embroidery card...it froze the whole thing up and I was panicking because I probably wouldn't have been able to sew if I hadn't slid it out. She is always touching it even though I've explained to her, but she probably just knows how much it means to me and wants to use it too. :-)

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  11. My grandson and I were picking up all the sticks and twigs from our yard after the snow all melted. We got the front yard picked up and were getting the backyard picked up. When we were almost done he looked at me and said "Hey lady, what you paying for this job?"

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  12. I was student teaching in an AP US history class - to 10-12th graders - and one student asked me, completely seriously: "Can you come back when our teacher dies?"

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  13. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

    el-if-i-no

    The things we'll do for fabric.

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  14. thanks for the giveaway - such a cute idea to leave funny things! Unfortunately, I'm just about the last funny person, and even worse at telling stories! But I will pass along a story from my kindergarten classroom

    I was telling one of the other teachers how our kitchen was getting redone, a little boy turns to me ans says "we got a new kitchen too, mommy left the pot on the stove and the fireman had to come and put out the fire, then, he brought mommy a new pot!" -- if parents only knew the stories we heard!! =]

    jmistok(at)gmail(dot)com

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  15. Three sisters, ages 92, 94 & 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

    The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

    The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head & says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

    What a fun way to have a give-away! Loved reading the other comments.

    Gayle (gag7949 at hotmail dot com)

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  16. What do you call a bear with no teeth??? A GUMMY bear!!!

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  17. My little granddaughter was acting up and her daddy told her to be quiet and she said, Daddy, I am disappointed in you! It was so cute at the time. That is usually what he says to her. Thanks for the giveaway!!quiltexas@gmail.com

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  18. Sorry I'm late, I'll leave early to make up for it.

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  19. Yesterday my son and husband were playing catch. My son told me, "Mom, pretend you're watching a REAL football game!" I said, "sure, let me get my phone and check Facebook."

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  20. My daughter always called a convertible a car without a lid. Oh, well, that is the best that I can do at the moment. fmoore11589@comcast.net

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  21. My three year old daughter asked me the other day, after seeing her new (male) cousin having his diaper changed, when her boy parts were going to grow in :)

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  22. You want something funny eh? well here goes...

    the other day my little 4yr old daughter and I were out shopping for clothes, when I held up a shirt and asked her, "What about this one? It's pretty..." My daughter turned to me and scoffed, "Surely not mum!

    And this lame joke that's my fav...

    Q: What did the fish say when it hit a wall?
    A: Dam!

    Well that's it... toodles!

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  23. when we first got married, my DH and I were getting veggies in the grocery store and I asked him to grab a cauliflower... he couldn't find one, even though one was right in front of him. when i pointed that out, he said, 'oh, i was looking for a bag with it all cut up, I have never seen a whole one'. Yep, a real mama's boy=))

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  24. The little girl I nanny for was very excited the other day when I arrive. She took off screaming and came back with new shoes in hand. They were black patten with a small bow, cute but not scream worthy. Then she put them down on the floor took my hand saying, "look at how cute the inside of my shoes are. Aren't they just great? Too bad my foot covers the best part." I laughed so hard I cried.

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  25. A man once told my husband he was named after an uncle from Oak Park, Il. My husband asked him, "Is your name Oak or Park"...his name was Oscar...I guess you had to be there. Ha! Ha!

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  26. A Really Bad Day
    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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  27. A lady is picking through the frozen turkeys and says to a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" He says, "No, ma'am, they're dead."

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  28. Something funny..... Sunday I was visiting my grandma who is in care center. Her room is right by the large family room they have there. My grandma hates to have the door to her room closed. The only time its closed is when she is changing her clothes. Anyway, the noise in the family room can get loud but grandma won't let us close her door-not even when Lawrence Welk is blarring.
    Sunday afternoon the facility was having a worship service & a man with a microphone started signing. All of us in grandma's room stopped talking because it was really bad singing. I got up & told my grandma I was going to try something & I closed her door. We could still hear a little bit but not much. Grandma looked at me and said "leave it closed." We had a good laugh over that one.
    Thanks for the giveaway!!!!

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  29. 3 ducks walked into a bar. 1 said ouch.

    thanx for the chance!

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  30. My daughter used to talk about the lions (lines) on the streets and the tigers (tires) on the cars ..

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  31. I asked dear husband a question to which he responded "I don't have a clue."
    Three year-old dear son told him, "Find a clue!" (He might watch a little too much Scooby-Doo! ;-) )

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  32. My eldest son said after dinner the other night, "Mama is just my mama and Cian's {his little brother} Mama. Daddy you can suggle with the dogs!" It came out of nowhere and I totally lost it. I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard.

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  33. A 5-year old friend was explaining the movie HOP to my husband and his co-workers. She was explaining how the chicks were trying to take control away from the rabbits and ruin Easter. She said, "Yeah, you shouldn't let chicks ruin everything!" (The guys died laughing!)

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  34. I just read this somewhere today, but I can't remember which blog or website it was on.
    What is the difference between a braless quilter and a sewing machine? The sewinig machine only has one bobbin!

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  35. Love your blog-first off! Secondly the funny-I work in a school and one of the junior kindergarten children(4yrs old) got hurt in the playground at morning recess,so I gave him ice in a baggie for his bump. After lunch I went to see how he was doing and he said that it did not hurt anymore. As I was leaving the classroom, he told me to wait and went into his knapsack and retrieved something. He proceeded to give it to me and said "Thanks I don't need it anymore." It was a baggie with some water in it. I thanked him, left the room and roared with laughter. Cute story-cute kid!
    roccas@CSViamonde.ca

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  36. One of my favorites:
    Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9!

    Thanks for the chance to win these goodies!
    Sandy A

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  37. When you need a funny story your mind goes blank...I asked my 5 yr old neighbor what kind of car his Dad bought and he said the kind without a ceiling.

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  38. A man has a pet duck. He loves this duck, takes it with him everywhere. Walks it on a cute little leash! He's walking down the street one day, when he notices that a movie he really wants to see is about to start. He walks up to the ticket box, asks for two tickets. The kid behind the counter looks out, looks down, and says, "You can't take that duck in with you!" The man walks off, goes around the corner, and decides that he really wants to go to the movie, so he takes the duck, stuffs him in the front of his pants, walks back to the theater, buys a ticket, goes in and sits down. After the movie starts, the duck starts to get hot and squirmy, so the guy unzips his pants and the duck sticks out his head.

    Meanwhile, there are two little old ladies sitting next to the guy. When the duck pokes its head out, one lady nudges the other and says, "Hey, Phyllis, the guy next to me has his thing out of his pants!" Phyllis says, "Marge, at your age, if you've seen one, you've seen them all!" Marge replies, "Yeah, Phyllis, I know - - - but this one's eating my popcorn!"

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  39. You know I love you and your blog ... leave it to you to make this giveaway so fun! I really enjoyed reading everyones' funnies .... I'm just not clever enough and can't find any cute riddles to share... and I have to say, you've got some really good ones listed here :) ... so I'll share this ... because of the young ones in my home, when I want to use bad language, I either say "Dirty Word!" or "Booger Balls!" ... my daughters are starting to repeat these words and boy do I get funny looks!! Thanks so much for this fun and I can't wait to see the details on your charm pack quilt along!!!

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  40. I am 26 soon to be 27 but people usually guess me to be about ten years younger. Occasionally I get offered the kids menu. Tonight I went out to dinner with my parents and sister and the waitress wanted to know if I needed a kids cup.

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  41. My brother was babysitting for me, and before I left I asked him to give my 3yr old a snack 'she'll tell you what she wants and where it is' She convinced him her 'usual snack' is toaster waffles and whipped cream. She said 'I ALWAYS have dat. I have it awll da time...'

    Thanks for the giveaway!
    alisha@netidea.com

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  42. I've enjoyed reading all of the above posts. Here are a few texts by senior citizens:
    TTYL: Talk to you Louder
    BFF: Best Friend Fainted
    BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
    LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

    Thanks for the great giveaway.

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  43. Okay, here is my funny for the day, I actually got a tax refund this year. I can't remember the last time that happened.

    Another funny, my daughter looks at lot at car dealership and says "Mommy, look at all that traffic waiting to be bought."

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  44. My husband and his brother were teasing their mom because they caught her picking her nose. They asked her, "What are you doing? Digging for gold?" At that point, my eight year old nephew pipes up and says, "I dig for gold!"

    Thanks for the chance at the giveaway.

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  45. Last night I dreamed that I was stranded 5 miles away, in my pajamas with my bicycle that had a flat tire. I have the strangest dreams.

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  46. My daughter was relating an argument she had with her 7 yr old while watching Karate Kid II, which Shay insisted was Eleven. After what, seemed like a futile attempt to explain the concept of Roman numerals, Shay said - I get it, they're tally marks!
    Love the fabric!

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  47. Great charm packs! I read this one recently and it made me laugh... What happens if you don't pay for your exorcism? You get re-possessed! A nun friend of mine loved it!

    MGM

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  48. What a great giveaway.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

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  49. I love that fabric! My 2 year old (barely 2), told me as I asked her to come inside so I could make dinner, she says (in the sweetest voice, but had all the right tones) "but MOOOM, I want to play outside." I know, you probably don't think it's funny, but if you heard her, you would have laughed hysterically when she said it! :)

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  50. seriously, we had a duck in our fireplace on Saturday! what????

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  51. Today someone in the grocery store asked me if kale was parsley... Sorry that's my best funny right now!

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  52. yesterday, when I was changing Steiger's diaper, he looked at me and said, "Go pee-pee on Mommy." And he grinned.

    He didn't pee thankfully... but tell me why we decided to reproduce again??? ;)

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  53. The gals were all at quilt retreat, near a main street in town. That morning, a funeral cortege went by, and one woman from the group stood reverently at the window as it passed. On the way from the church to the cemetery, it passed the window again, and again the woman stood quietly to watch it go by.

    Another woman at the retreat noticed, and said to her “I’m so impressed by the reverence you showed to that funeral. It’s very thoughtful of you.”

    The woman said to her: “It’s the least I can do: we were married for over 36 years!”

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  54. My husband was in Las Vegas at the Palms at a party. As I was Texting him he Texted, "I can't hear you, the music's too loud".
    It was funny at the time. Thank you for the giveaway.
    Jlblvn@gmail.com

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  55. Funny thing from this afternoon...my 21 month old daughter climbed up on the case to my sewing machine so she could reach the hand wheel, I kept sewing and she started wildly giggling saying "tickle, tickle". She was holding onto my hand wheel with her little hand and as I sewed it was spinning and tickling the palm of her little hand! :)

    cherie.godbey@gmail.com

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  56. Every time my co-worker hears me talking about going down to the cafeteria and getting a glass of tea he starts with the Indian and the Tee Pee joke. Gets me every time.

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  57. I read so many of these to my family...how funny! Ok my daught just told me this one:

    Three men where flying in a plane. They decided to drop things out to see what would happen. The first man dropped an apple, the second man dropped an orange and the third man dropped a grenade. After they landed they went to see what had happened to there items. The first man found a lady that was crying and said that an apple had hit her head. The second man found another lady was crying and said that and orange had hit her head. The third man found a lady that was laughing, when he asked her waht happened she said, "I was sitting my my chair and farted and my house blew up."

    I tried! LOL! Thank you for the giveaway!!

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  58. One day, I had to run to school to drop something off for a kid. I looked pretty awful and didn't feel like doing anything abut it. My 8 year old daughter said, "Mom, just put on some lipstick and walk fast." Great advice!

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  59. My son is 2 and is starting to get the grasp of sentences. The other day I was making breakfast in the kitchen, and I overheard the following conversation between my son and his dad. "You need to go to your room since you won't listen to me!" (insert fake crying) "I'm not falling for that." Then wee man says "But I be cute...." I about died! *L*

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  60. So my husband is in the Navy and is a Naval Flight Officer. (Think "Goose" in the movie Top Gun. He's a navigator/mission controller in the plane) He isn't a pilot, but rides in the back of the plane. My then 5 year old asked one day, "Does Daddy fly the plane?" I said, "No, he rides in the back." and she said,"Oh, he's the one that serves the rest of the people drinks and food!"

    Yes honey,....Daddy is a flight attendant for the US NAVY!(said sarcastically) Now this may not be too funny to you, but to us...it's HILARIOUS!
    (He flies in the E2-C Hawkeye)

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  61. When my son Aidan was almost 2 1/2, my husband was goofing around with him, hanging him upside down by his ankles. Aidan was a bit distressed, and didn't want to be upside down, so he yelled, "Stop Daddy! It's not a toy! It's Aidan James!"

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  62. The other day I told my almost 3 yr old granddaughter that we were going to Wal-Mart and she said "No Grandma, Target!". The girl already knows where she wants to shop.

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  63. Ok, I don't know how funny this is, but it's a classic in our house . . . a little girl we know was just learning how to tell jokes, and we'd been telling her the "Orange You Glad I Didn't Say Banana?" Knock Knock joke. . . so she tried her own:

    Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Orange Potato Banana!

    To this day it makes me die laughing - we always tag Orange Potato Banana onto every knock knock joke ;)

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  64. I loooove the fabric! Can't wait for a quilt along!
    I have two young toddlers ages 1 1/2 & almost 3 - everyday is a headache but also pretty funny.
    Today I hear hysterical laughter and panicked crying. I run into the bathroom. 2 year old tells me; Mom, I tried to flush [brother] but he's bigger than poop. There's 1 year old whole body in the toilet bowl. Eeeew - Well, glad he's bigger than poop and didn't get flushed.
    (I really wish I had grabbed my camera before rescuing)

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  65. "dad your boobs are getting bigger" while eating dinner

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  66. I love napping so much I'm thinking about becoming an air traffic controller.

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  67. A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

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  68. My kid says he has "an ear whack." Just one...you know, its plural form is wax? :) Thanks for the chance!

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  69. Once while shopping for shoes for my husband he tried one pair on and mentioned that they were too big. Our son said, "That's okay dad, maybe you will grow into them." On another shopping trip I was having a hard time finding a pair of jeans that fit properly. This same child casually mentioned that maybe I should look for a "husky" size. We don't shop with him anymore.

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  70. Dear Windshield Wipers,
    Can't touch this.
    Sincerely,
    That Little Triangle

    Great Giveaway Idea!!

    Paul
    www.outnumberedquilter.blogspot.com

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  71. Last week when we went to visit my grandmother, the kids handed her a container full of sliced strawberries, her eyes lit up and she said "I'm not sharing!" My 5yo replied, "that's OK we brought our own!"

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  72. My two year old stated repeatedly tonight that she 'needs chocolate' I handed her a chocolate truffle and she said 'thats not chocolate, mommy! Thats mierda!'

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  73. Years ago my husband, his sister and I was traveling to their parents house for a holiday. We stopped at a restaurant to get a bite to eat. My husband said he needed to use the restroom and for us to go ahead and order his coffee, he wouldn't be long. The waitress came with our beverages and we told her we would order when my husband came back to the table. We waited, and waited, getting a bit worried that something might have happened to him, and about 25 minutes later here he came looking as white as a sheet. He said, "OH man, you guys are never going to believe what happened to me." So he tells us he went in the bathroom and was standing there peeing and he gets to smelling poop, and says he looked down and there was poop all over the floor and he said, "Damn, someone took a crap on the floor and some idiot stepped in it!" Then he looked again and here he was the idiot who stepped in it, LOL, he said he had to stick his tennis shoe in the toilet and kept trying to flush the crap off of his shoe. It was new shoes and had a deep tread, LOL, he said he must have flushed the toilet a dozen times and still had to take paper towels and try and clean the crap from his shoes, LOL......so needless to say, he said he didn't feel like eating after he was gagging all that time, and of course we laughed so hard we were in tears. The rest of the trip we kept asking him if he had his pair of shit kickers on, LOL.....it still makes us all laugh to this day, LOL........would love to win you nice giveaway.......have a great week, and watch where you tread, lol

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  74. Something funny... my 4 yrs old marching and jumping around the house making up lyrics he *thinks* he hears in songs... cracks me up every single time!!!

    Thanks for the chance to win these awesome charm packs!!!

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  75. This is from the Prairie Home Companion Joke Show from about 10 years ago, but it is the only joke I ever remember:

    What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.

    (I am loving all the laughs!)

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  76. Fun (and funny) giveaway!

    What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it? He let out a little whine.

    vickie@thepalmers.org

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  77. My Daughter: "Carter, I don't want to play Wii right now, I'm going to eat."

    Carter: "Mommy, don't eat! Go on a diet!"

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  78. When my brother was about 6 years old he found a dead chicken out behind the barn and he asked our Mom why it was stiff like a board while the other ones we were "processing" at the time were limp. My Mom happily seized the teaching moment to explain "rigormortis" and how something that's dead becomes stiff. My brother looked increasingly uncomfortable and then Mom noticed that he was holding his crotch! OMG!! She then had to explain that this didn't mean that his "very important appendage" wasn't dead when it became stiff. What a fright he had!

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  79. My middle name and my last name are the same and I didn't realize it until I went to get my new driver's license after I got married!

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  80. My 3yo niece - she has too 8&7yo siblings. At night she pets the eldest siblings to sleep before she sleeps. There were a few days where we took her in when the parents went off to work. She will not nap until she says, aunty pick me up. With her head on my shoulder and swaying a bit - she's conk out within 5 minutes. I love her funny antics and faces.

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  81. In my family I have three boys; one is already gone to university(so he doesn't participate on my enedavour; and I only started this quilting craze about a year and a half ago, anyways I have left two teenagers at home; one takes pictures of my quilts and really encourages me, the other one try his hardest.
    Me: Look Nige I finished!
    Nige: Yeah Mom, That's a nice rug.
    For me, this always brings a smile to my face.

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  82. Our golden retriever grand dog is so funny sometimes. I was taking the off ramp on the freeway and I guess I was turning a bit fast because he braced himself with his foot up against the dash and had that fear look on his face. lol

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  83. When I interviewed candidates for a computer programming job at the car rental company where I worked, we would ask a question about motivation: "What drives you?" Once, a candidate replied, "A red Mazda." It was all I could do to avoid laughing aloud. alternate email mlwright29(at)hotmail(dot)com

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  84. Well there are some funny things in these comments!
    I have a two year old daughter that constantly tells me I'm enormous, (I'm not) she means hilarious!
    "mummy, you're ENORMOUS!!"
    lexilucas@gmail.com

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  85. When our English Springer Spaniel (Cory) was a pup, she ran into the road and was hit by a truck. We had to have a front leg amputated . . . not the funny part. While trying to make light of the situation, our youngest son renamed her Eileen or I Lean.
    I've really enjoyed the stories, made for a very entertaining evening.
    And I would love to win the charm packs. tglynn@g2svs.com

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  86. Knock, knock!
    Who's there?
    Repeat.
    Repeat who?
    Who who!

    :) suzysetter(at)cox(dot)net Thanks!

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  87. My son is 2 and he comes up to me and says "num-num" (yum-yum) drags me to the pantry and I ask him what he wants. He taps his chin and looking around he says "tinking".

    He is so cute!

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  88. My all time family joke.
    My husband and my older son ( age 10) were discussing buying an ipod.He wants an Apple. Hubby says it too expensive, my four year old hearing it chirps in helpfully, maybe you should get him a banana instead.
    gorgeous giveaway btw.

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  89. http://iakoma.blogspot.com/2011/04/giveaway.html
    iako13@gmail.com
    Here is the joke I like:
    "Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am
    doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
    Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

    Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

    "No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

    The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

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  90. My son thought it would be funny if we were to buy 4 pigs and paint the numbers 1,2,3,5 on them. When I asked why he said he thought it would be funny as everyone would always be looking for number 4!
    Chris (pickledbeetle@googlemail.com)

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  91. Oh I'm terrible with jokes! (must be that stiff british upper lip! lol) Instead I'll go for the sympathy vote, it's my birthday today and this post and all the comments have truly made me smile :) Thanks

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  92. Since we are still waiting for Spring:

    Is INSTALLING SPRING...
    ███████████████░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░░ 44% DONE.
    Install delayed....please wait.
    Installation failed. Please try again. 404 error: Season not found. Season "Spring" cannot be located. The season you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable. Please try again later.

    Love the fabric!

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  93. Hey my Midwest sister from another mister!

    Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to WinstonChurchill. His reply -- Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

    Thanks for this AWESOME giveaway!!
    xoxo

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  94. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  95. I heard this one at a wedding two weeks ago .. it was told by the grooms 72 year old grandmother!! She is hilarious!!

    A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

    Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"

    The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"

    HEHEHEHEHEHE

    cleo

    cleo (AT) techgear.co.za

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  96. A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
    She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
    After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
    She repeats this gesture about five more times.
    When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
    'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
    The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
    The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

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  97. My funny button is a little tired since we've been getting up at 5am with the 2 year old. But here's a related kid story. I went into her room to try and get her to settle down and told her to close her eyes for a while and try to sleep. When I went back to bed, she was crying in her room, "i don't wanna close my eyes".

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  98. I heard this yesterday and it cracked me up -
    "I know housework won't kill me - but why take the risk!!

    Thank you for the lovely giveaway - those fabrics look so good.

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  99. My daughter/son-in-law are new parents with a 8 mo. old daughter. On Friday night, my daughter called and wanted to know if I'd watch her all day Sat...7 a.m. until 5, which she studied and went to class. Didn't have a problem with that, until I asked did hubby have to work on Sat? No, he just wants a day off...huh? When you have children you really don't get a day off any more..

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  100. Two of my nieces were arguing over just who qualifies as a "preteen." The 11-year-old, trying to get her little sister's goat, laid herself dramatically on the sofa and said, "Life is so relaxing as a preteen." That has become one of our favorite family quotes!

    Thanks for the great giveaway!

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  101. OH, I am not great at telling jokes but this one use to make my kids giggle every time...How do you make a tissue dance?......Put some booggie in it! hee hee

    Love, love the fabric. Thanks for the giveaway!!

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  102. Karen J. markkarenj AT bellsouth DOT netApril 19, 2011 at 7:23 AM

    Two nuns walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

    I would love those charm packs! :)

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  103. My nephew told me that he can't wait for Easter as it is one of the few times he can be happy having a 'ham'-over - he's a big eater, better than a big drinker :D

    Love this line and can't wait to try it! Thanks for the chance!

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  104. My 3 yr old granddaughter was fussing around going to bed for Grammie and Grammie said "no drama with Grammie, 1 story, 2 kisses and off you go." The next morning Annika reports to her Mom, "Oh no drama, I just had a dream I was crying but it was just a dream Mama." Thanks for the cute give away!

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  105. Hi. Last weekend we hung a rail to show my quilts. Unfortunately one hole was drilled in the waterdrain. My husband stayed calm. And that was new to us, it's fixed by the way.

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  106. The other day I was showing my borrowed children (daycare) the super awesome Kona colour card that came in the mail...we talked about how fun it will be to match up fabrics & colours. The 7-9 yr old girls were most interested & I was happy to have ppl to share in my excitment! Later, when my 4yr old boy was being picked up, he said to his mom "I'm saving all my allowance to buy fabric!" ...it was really funny to us! :)

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  107. I'm having a c-section on Thursday (yes, your giveaway day), and therefore my stomach is huge. I also am VERY thirsty all the time. A couple of nights ago, I made the comment that I was drinking so much water lately that I feel like a camel. My 10 year old daughter quipped right back, "Yeah - only your hump is in the wrong place." Made us all laugh.
    iliketoquilt at hotmail.com

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  108. My daughter sometimes gets picked on at school by a boy in her class (not funny), but when he calls her "beaver" (because of her teeth), she calls him a "raccoon." She doesn't get why he calls her a beaver, so she calls HIM an animal name...

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  109. Here's a little funny I posted on my blog the other day:

    Q: What's the difference between a bra-less woman and a sewing machine?

    A: The sewing machine has only one bobbin.

    Thanks for the opportunity to enter your great giveaway.

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  110. A woman is sitting at home on the veranda with her husband and she says, "I love you."

    He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

    She replies, "It's me............. talking to the wine."

    Thanks for the giveaway.

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  111. Over the weekend, a friend of mine had a baby. When they put the baby in her two year old's lap, he pulled back the blankets, looked at his new brother, and simply said, "Don't throw up."

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  112. My four-year-old daughter was prescribed an antibiotic last week. Instead of the pink stuff she was used to, it was a much less desirable white concoction. We got her to take it the first time, but when the second time rolled around, she refused. Tears streaming down her face, she told me, "Mama, it tastes like RAW POOP!" Pretty sure that a) she's never tasted raw poop and b) cooked poop wouldn't taste much better.

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  113. I am deaf so I liked telling deaf jokes...
    An married deaf couple went on a long trip and it was getting really late. they decided to stay in a hotel for the night. When they check in and got in thier room. the deaf man forgot to get his bag out of the car and told his deaf wife he will be back. As he got his bag and head back to his room ...He forgot his room # and he knew he cannot knock the door because she cannot hear. He had an idea...He went back to his car..Blow his horn for a long time until alll the lights from the hotel room was turn on..and one room was not on..And then he knew where his room is...

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  114. My grand daughter (4) lives with me - We were having a conversation regarding how I knew when she was doing things she wasn't suppose to....well when I picked her up from daycare the following day her teacher said to me that "Faye said that you have eye's in the back of your head" I laughed so hard - so did the teachers!

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  115. Okay, I thought this was really funny.. and what is really bad... it is a Walmart TV commercial.
    This woman is sitting in the bathroom mirror putting on anti-wrinkle cream and her two little girls are watching her. One little girl asks her.. Mommy does that really make you look younger? Mommy says yes! Next scene..
    Two little girls with a spatula in hand, and the face cream.. They say .. when Grandpa wakes up he is gonna be SOOOOOOOOOO happy!! Pan to grandpa with his face completely iced in the anti-wrinkle cream snoring.. LOL... LOL... LOL..

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  116. My 2 year old nephew was telling his moma that he was a 'hungrey baby' around 9:30 at night just before he was going to bed because he didn't want to go to bed. Moma said you are not hurgrey just don't want to go to bed. He then turned to me batty his eyes and said "Aunt Lissa...Isaiah a hungrey baby." with his bottom lip out and everything. I quickly looked at my best friend/sister-in-law and said "I am sorry but he gets what ever he wants right now because he has successfully learned how to play his Aunt Lissa. :-)

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  117. These are all great!

    Where do the homeless chickens go?
    The Foster Farms

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  118. When my son was little he learned the saying "skating on thin ice". We were invited to an ice skating party as a family and we were all excited to go. As we parked at the skating rink my son says, "Dad, are we going to have to skate on thin ice?" It was really cute.

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  119. Try these out to make your day little funnier!

    -- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
    -- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
    -- With a serious face, order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat.
    -- Specify that your drive-through order is 'To Go.'
    -- When the money comes out the ATM, scream 'I Won! I Won!'
    -- When leaving the Zoo, start running toward the parking lot, yelling 'Run for Your Lives, They're Loose!!'
    -- Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the Economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'

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  120. What's the difference between a female jogger and a sewing machine? Answer: A sewing machine only has one bobbin.

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  121. After the earthquake in China, we were trying to explain to my daughter, who is in college about the plates under the earth shifting and that is what causes earthquakes. Her response to us was "well who every came up with the idea of putting plates under the earth was stupid". She truly believed that there are "dinner" plates under there sliding around. WE are still laughing about this one.

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  122. Oooh, I'm not good at being funny on the spot! Let's see... OK, here's a funny/embarassing true story:

    The morning of a job interview, I was trying to pump myself up with positive thoughts, and, in my usual way, was talking to myself out loud as I got ready. (You know... "OK, you're going to be great!" "Go get 'em!" "You're going to ace this interview!")

    Moments before the interview, I stopped into an empty ladies room for a final onceover. As I walked into one of the stalls, the positive self-talk kept going, and I found myself saying out loud "Let's do this!!!" and clapping my hands together. Only then did I realize that the ladies room WASN'T empty, and a woman was in the stall right next to me! I don't know WHAT she must've thought, but let's just say that she got out of that restroom FAST! :)

    It's now a running joke in my family and we all clap our hands and say "Let's do this!" before heading into the bathroom :)

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  123. My niece was really sad at school. Her teacher asked her what is wrong. She said she was depressed. They called my brother who flew to the school to see what the problem was. My niece says, "I heard on the radio this morning that Taylor Swift died." My brother and the teacher just look at each other. My brother says, "You mean Elizabeth Taylor?" My niece nods and sighs, "I loved her so much." 7 year olds are so cute!

    My brother had to explain that Elizabeth Taylor and Taylor Swift were not the same person.

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  124. Funny? Not fair, I don't have little children around, my son is 2000 miles away, and I don't have grand children. I have read all 122 comments before mine and sometimes laughed so loud both of my dogs jumped up from their morning naps. That's kind of funny, that my life is so boooooooring that I sit and read that many posts. Hmmmm, wrong kind of funny, hey?
    My 14 1/2 year old Australian Shepherd has entered his second childhood. After being a very good dog his whole life he has decided to start chasing the neighbor's cats. Of course he has a bad hip and knee and has no chance of catching them. Nope, not much humor in my life right now, but I am enjoying it all the same. Thanks for the jokes and funny stories via your other readers. Blessings :o)

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  125. I was taking a shower and bemoaning the fact I was getting full figured and then a light came on. Right on my shampoo bottle its says"adds volume and body" Could that be the reason??. I looked at my dishwashing soap and it says- removes fat. I am going to change. : )

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  126. My 9 y/o favorite joke:

    Why couldn't the pirate go to the movie?
    Because it was rated ARRRRRRR

    Then he says, "isn't that hilarious?"

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  127. Okay, I love a funny joke or story, but can't come up with a single one as I sit here trying to win some fabric. So . . . would you go back and read the second entry above? I thought that it was the perfect funny for a quilt-related blog entry--in fact, she should probably win the fabric, but I hope that I do! ;-)

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  128. Here is my dirty joke:
    Two white horses fell in the mud!
    Told you it was dirty and a bit funny?

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  129. Thanks for the giveaway chance. I hope this isn't too inappropriate...I recently had a conversation with my 10 year old son about circumcision. He didn't know what it was or that he had been circumcised. Any hoo....last night we were walking the dog and he had on a much too big Hollister hoody. The sleeves extended way beyond his hands. Out of the blue he lifts up his covered hands and says "Look mom, my arms are not circumcised!!!!" It really was hysterical. That conversation was probably more than a month ago. andreakrauss@yahoo.com

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  130. My sister-in-law was having quite the battle of the wills with my 2-year-old nephew, Drew. She was getting ready to mete out some well-deserved discipline when he looked at her with dead-pan seriousness and said, "No thank you mummy" and walked away. She said it was pretty hard to follow through when the kid was being so darn polite! [grin}

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  131. Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

    As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?"

    The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

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  132. While quilting with my sisters I received this text from a friend "You must be at your Quilters Anonymous Meeting" since your not texting me back........

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  133. as a fellow cat lover, you'll appreciate this one! My boyfriend was home on leave in January and decided that my cat needed a bath. No, she'd never experienced a bath, is indoors only, etc. After convincing him that using Garnier Fructis was not acceptable, he set about bathing her while I was at work. By himself. Man versus Cat.

    I received a text simply saying "That lasted about a minute. It didn't go well. I'm going to the movies to give her some space"

    I later found out he had turned on the shower, held her aloft like Rafiki held Simba in The Lion King and shoved her under the shower stream. Needless to say, I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eyes.... I just wish someone had it on video!

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  134. OH my! Too much pressure to be funny!

    merefleming{at}yahoo{dot}com

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  135. When my daughter got her first baby sitting job with the neighbour's 2 year old, she got dressed up for the position: Dress pants and top, frilly scarf, and last but not least her shoulder purse. At 12 years old she was very serious about her first baby sitting job!! I wonder what our neighbours thought when they opened their door - too sweet!!

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  136. There are 4 girls in our family and we are all much older than the youngest, she was the "surprise" baby. So she was always tagging along and trying to be like her older sisters. One day she emerged from the bathroom triumphant. She runs to my mom with glee in her voice and says, "Look Mom, these fit me now!" Little miss had stuck pantyliners to the bottom of her feet. And yep, she was (finally) as big as the rest of us. We still laugh over it.

    Thanks for the opportunity. This looks like a really fun fabric run.

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  137. Funny? Hmmmm....

    Well I did have a cat who could tell knock knock jokes. It would go something like this:

    Annie (the cat): nya nya
    me: who's there?
    Annie: brrrrt
    me: brrrt who?
    Annie: brrrt brrrt

    Probably only really funny if you're me!

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  138. OK, hope this is funny....
    so my son is almost two and when he wants to do something he isn't suppose to do, he'll go around the island in the kitchen so we can't see him...This is usually where/when he opens the dishwasher, which he isn't suppose to do....anywho, one night me and hubs were on the couch and the baby goes behind the island and we keep telling him "Trey, what are you doing?"...well we kept on saying it so much the baby goes, "Yeah Yeah Yeah" but he doesn't really talk and form words yet so we thought it was pretty funny....enjoy...

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  139. I realized my one-year should start wearing sleepsacks the other night when I went to check on him and found him naked under his blanket - ooops!

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  140. Yesterday I was taking my youngest 2 grocery shopping. I told them if they were good I would get them a cookie when we were done. My son said he wanted 2 cookies and I told them they only give you one. He suggested "Maybe I could wear a disguise and go back for a second one" :)

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  141. When my son was 5, he has (apparently) gone rifling in an old box of junk that was stashed in a closet. Over dinner at our DEACON'S house, he was talking to their son about "fleece-mans" (policemen). Their child said that fleecemans have handcuffs. My son then announced to then entire room that his Mama had handcuffs too. Mortified and beet red, I quickly said, "no, I don't, honey" to which he immediately replied, "YES, YOU DO!!! I SAW THEM IN YOUR BEDROOM!!!".................. I almost tore my house apart trying to figure out what he was referring to when I finally found the old junk box in the closet. I have never lived that one down. *sigh* Kids....

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  142. Very cool! Now I need to reread about that Charm Pack Quiltalong! Something funny--when my son was about 7 he wanted to lip sync a song in a video booth at the mall. His sister and a friend were the back up singers. They had done the song "I will survive" just prior to my son's song. So he was all proud and reading/singing the lyrics of "his" song when it got to the chorus and he suddenly realized that is was NOT his song. Since there was nothing I could do (locked outside the booth) he folded his arms went to the back of the booth and slid down pouting all the while and mad! My daughter and her friend shrugged, and moved up and took over center stage and continued the song. We have never laughed so hard though my son was really upset at the time. It was the best ten bucks I ever spent and we have it on video!

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  143. My 2-year-old daughter was shouting "put a pickle on me!" for about ten minutes. We realized she was saying "put on despicable me (the movie)" only after her 4-year-old brother translated for us.

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  144. This is probably only funny to me, but you asked... When my son was about 6 (he's 30 now!), he looked up at my one day and asked, in all seriousness, "Mom, did they have bicycles when you were a kid?". I mean they were riding bicycles in the 1800s right? Ouch!
    sunshdws@yahoo.com

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  145. quilting is a hereditary disease. pass it on
    vera
    hennagirl1@msn.com

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  146. Hey! That's MY 30 years old grandson you are talking about! Guess we taught him a lesson re aging! Sherryl and I are avid game players! I'm probably the oldest WOW player in the game at almost 74!

    Sherryl's oldest brother was a mischievous little imp and as a little guy, I had him standing in a corner and told him I didn't want to hear another peep out him! My sister overheard him whispering over and over ... Peep, Peep, Peep! I didn't hear it but I did break out laughing ... not in his presence, of course. How can you be mad at a kid like that.
    RBarron8@cox.net

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  147. A quilter´s joke:
    You Know you are a Quilter if your ironing board is always set up but you never iron clothes and people are always picking threads off you!
    Lovely fabric!
    johanneliebana(at)gmail(dot)com

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  148. Today, my daughter put her Handy Manny tools in her panties. When I asked her why, she said her panties were her tool belt. She said she's fixing things. Oh boy! Here is the proof: http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5145/5634759047_21f6fde64b_z.jpg

    Just in case: thalia {at} rynet [dot]com

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  149. My 5 year old daughter has to give everything a name. Today I hung a ladybug sun catcher on the window and she wanted to name it so I said, how about Ruby Red or Rosie Red? She thought for a minute, then said very seriously, no mom, name it Lady Gaga!

    Thanks for the giveaway.

    cannons@gmavt.net

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  150. I received a report from another doctor about our mutual patient. In his letter he wrote all this medical stuff and added at the end: The patient also has a dog. I definitely wasn't expecting to read that and was cracking up... Lame slash nerdy humor :D

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  151. Which way did the computer programmer go?

    DATA-WAY!!!

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  152. My daughter was about 2 at the time and I went in to wake her and I asked her "how did you sleep last night?" and she replied...."I just closed my eyes." Like duh mom! hehe Jenn

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  153. I am not a good joke teller..but I do enjoy a good laugh...I have been reading the comments left before me and some are super hilarious...especially the first one about the 4 potatoes at a bar...When my son was about 5 he used to tell me I was such a Canadian...it took me a while to realize that he was trying to tell me that I was such a comedian! That is the best I have for now, but sure would love to get my little paws on those charm packs! Lisa in Texas p.s. thanks for not making us jump through hoops!

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  154. Not funny, but cute. I was looking out my window and a squirrel was in the tree just fussing at me. Guess he thought I was in his terriotry. He was chattering at me to go away.

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  155. Springtime in Tennessee is a little confusing. One day it may be 90 degree and the next day or even the same day but in the afternoon maybe 40. First let me say my son loves, absolutely loves to swim, could go swimming 7 days a week all day long. He was staying with his grandparents, who happens to have a pool in their neighborhood. The day before was a beautiful day in the high 8o's, but this day it had dropped to around 40. My son came up "missing" and my parents were trying to find him (in the house) and see what he was up to. When all of a sudden he came out of the bedroom. He had on his SpongeBob swim suit, pool shoes carrying the pool bag and said "pool". His Granny tried to convince him the pool was locked. His response was "card" (have to have a card to enter gate) She told him the card wouldn't work it had a lock on the gate. To which he said "key". She kept trying to explain the pool was closed, too early to open. This went off and on for about an hour. He keep insisting "pool Key" he even went and got in the car and honked the horn. Nothing to do but she had to drive him up to the pool and show him the key and the card wouldn't open the lock on the gate, to which he responded "fiddle sticks" and turn and walked back to the car and said "home" and that was that. Maybe you had to be there.

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  156. I love this fabric!
    Where do vehicles like to swim???
    A car pool!

    well, my 4 yr. old thinks that is hilarious!
    valerjoy(at)aol(dot)com

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  157. How do you catch a special rabbit? U nique up on it.
    How do you catch a domestic rabbit? The tame way.

    That is the best I can do. Thanks for the giveaway.

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  158. Last summer at the farmer's market, I bought 2 kinds of heirloom cauliflower, bright purple and golden yellow. My nephew immediately called it "colorflower".

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  159. Just a funny quote I love...
    Rule of the Great: When people you greatly admire appear to be thinking deep thoughts, they probably are thinking about lunch.

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  160. So an ion walks into a bar and asks the bar tender "I was here last night and I think I left my electron." The bar tender answers " Are you positive?"

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  161. love the fabric.

    So my husband and I were telling our 8 year old that when we got married most people didn't have cell phones and the internet wasn't around yet and he said, "How did you guys communicate?"

    HMMMM how did we :)

    juliannebroox at gmail

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  162. From my daughter:
    What did the the zero say to the eight?
    Nice belt!

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  163. My kids call McDonald's "Uncle Donald's". It makes me smile every time they say it :)

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  164. My 11yr old is teaching my 3 yrs old his spelling words...of course not how to spell them silly...but just how to "say" them!! It is the cutest thing to hear the two of them saying "biodegradable"!!

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  165. So my son was reading a book about a dog that gets injured in car accident. I decided to read the book also and when I was finished he decided we should have a discussion like they do in his reading class. His question to me was.."What was the sadest part of the first chapter?" OF course I responded when the accident happened. He said "no, when the dog's eyes fell out..UHH.WHAT?? I didn't read that. So he gets the book out and finds the line from the chapter. " and when the car came to a stop, Champs eyes landed on me." See he says the dogs eyes fell out then landed on the boy.
    What a hoot my little 7year old!!

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  166. What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

    Walk him and pitch to the rhino!

    Thanks for the giveaway!
    (dmlash04@msn.com)

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  167. I'm pregnant with my third child. My oldest (4) is old enough to know what's going on this time. He told me that when the baby is born, I need to make sure to open my mouth so the baby can come out.

    And if you're in need of a joke, this one's my favorite:

    What did one saggy boob say to the other?
    You better perk up or they'll think we're nuts.

    =)

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  168. What do A's and flowers have in common?
    They both have B's (bees) that come after them!

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  169. You say to tell you something funny...well I hope you will not be offended if I tell you the first joke that has popped in my head...forgive me it is quite late at night...

    Why did the fish blush?
    Because he saw the sea-wee(d) :o)

    Please count me in :o)

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  170. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
    'hell if i know'
    sorry....you may have heard this one
    my grandson loves telling this one
    Nonna is not sure of the grammer though
    Thanks so much for the giveaway

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  171. My husband and I still laugh about the time we were driving down in south Georgia and there was a herd of cows in the fields on both sides of the road. Naturally, we could "smell" those cows. One of my daughters looked at us and said, "Wow! Smell that cow maneuver." (instead of cow manure) Guess you had to be there.

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  172. An 8th grade boy told me today that one of his classmates farted right in his face. The only response that came to mind was, "Why was your head at the same level as his bottom?"

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  173. Here's one I saw by John Cleese:

    ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE :

    BY JOHN CLEESE

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs..” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose.”

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is canceled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    – John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

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  174. What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

    Na-cho cheese!

    (My favorite jokes are cheesy, what can I say?!)

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  175. My son's teacher came up to me after school and told me that one of the girls in his class told her that she felt sick. The teacher asked her why and she said because Nathan(my son) was eating bugs. When the teacher asked him if he ate a bug he responded, very matter of fact and said, "No, I ate 3."

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  176. There are more jokes on here than the Pope has hats! ; )

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  177. I can't think of a good joke or anything right now! But this blog post my friend Susan put up the other day made me laugh. :-)

    http://sepfowler.blogspot.com/2011/04/its-not-quite-shiny-but-if-its-made-by.html

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  178. If there is one thing I'm not it's funny, I'd need to take a couple of days drink some wine and hear some wild music to get myself going. Then, and only maybe then, would I come up with something. Thanks for the great giveaway though!

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  179. My niece had a baby boy about four months ago she has two daughters and her youngest daughter is five. Her boy's name is Noah, he has a very loud scream, which sounds very much like a girly scream. The other day while talking to her on the phone i heard loud screaming in the back ground, I said I better let you go, sounds like the girls are killing each other, "oh no," she said "it's just Norah." I asked her Norah who, she said that's what I call Noah when he gives us his girly scream!

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  180. Once, while having a lightsaber fight with a 3-year-old I was babysitting, he looked at me dead-serious and said "Pretend I'm short like Yoda." I laughed so hard I had to sit down.

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  181. Thanks for giveaway. My husband just ran Boston marathon and was telling me about the people who dress up and run. This race there was tarzan complete with minimal clothing and bare feet

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  182. What is the mosquito's favorite sport?

    .
    .
    .
    .

    Skin Diving.

    I know, groans. LOL. :-)

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  183. Mommy - what do you call a broken escalator?
    I don't know, what do you call a broken escalator?
    STAIRS... (cue 6 year old cracking himself up!)

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  184. Here's a joke I read the other day--What's a mummy's favorite music?

    Wrap music! :)

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  185. Today in our homeschool co-op I asked some girls if they were going anywhere for Easter. One 7 year old said, "Yes, we are going to see my cousins. They live in the OLD WEST." While we (the teachers) were stifling our laughter (not too well) she said, "I mean in the country." We DO live in Texas, after all! LOL!

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  186. A little boy came home from Sunday School and proudly announced that he knew God's real name!! It was Harold.
    When his parents asked him how he knew that, he replied, well, it is in the prayer "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be thy name.............. :0)

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  187. Time for a change.

    My hair is brown, dark brown, but it is getting a little grey and I wanted to jazz things up a bit so I bleached it. My 9 year old helped with "the experiment". We cut a chunk of hair, taped it to a baggie and put the bleach on it. We timed it and wiped it down when it was done. But then it was time for him to go to bed so I said "just remember, in the morning my hair will be the blonde in our sample." So, the next morning I go in and show him and his immediate response was "Mom, that is just wrong, you need to change it back" LOL He has gotten used to it now but it makes me wonder what he will say when I go back to brown!

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  188. I babysit for some friends of mine from time to time. The other day their two year old was over and was swinging on the front porch with my 22 year old when they heard a siren. The little one looked up at my daughter with wide eyes and said, "The cops are coming!" It was too funny.

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  189. My son's favorite joke:

    Why'd the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! (duh!)

    Why'd the BABY cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken!

    Apparently that's really funny to a 7 year old...!

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  190. I aksed my daughter to brown some ground beef for some lasagna....she took out the pack and called me and said..mom...who made Chuck mad? I said Chuck? who is chuck. She said "I don't know but he must of made the butcher mad because the meat says ground chuck!
    Ha

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  191. Here's my 4 yr old son's favorite joke: How do birds learn how to fly? They just wing it!

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  192. I'm a huge Glee fan, and I think Brittany's one liners are all hilarious. The best is when she blurts out "I think my cat is reading my diary." akmajor (at) gmail (dot) com

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  193. Years ago a boy of about 4 was telling me about his dog. He said "He's a Doberman Pinscher, but he doesn't pinch, he bites!" Still cracks me up.

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  194. How long is a minute?
    It depends what side of the door you are at.

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  195. For the pet lover in most of us:
    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    ---Gotta love em.

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  196. Something funny? What's a pirate's favorite letter? "R!" Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9! :P

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  197. One from my grandson, Wil
    I wish I was a foetus I never would be bored Sitting in my uterus Swinging on my cord.
    It made me smile.

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  198. What goes clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, squish? An octopus with one shoe off!

    Great post - fun to read all the funnies. Thanks.

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